Things that we have changed
by Trevor3454
Summary: Sequel to "Things we cannot change" The O.C gang has made their choices, now, they must except them, or fight for what they really want. Rated T for minor language.
1. Broken

Chapter one: Broken

Ryan had boarded the earliest plane he could, which was still a day after Marissa's plane left. All he could do was tap his feet on the floor of the plane, which caused the elderly man next to him to give him strange looks. He felt so helpless there, he just had to wait for his chance to fight for her, which was still 5 hours away...the longest hours of his life.

Seth had been driving around what seemed to him to be the entire state of California, without a sight of his wife, or little girl. His radio had become a distant noise as he wiped some stray tears from his face. He pulled over, and slammed his head against the wheel, got out of the car, and kicked the bumper relentlessly. He finally fell to the ground, and wept silently, not paying attention to the stares from other people driving by. He finnally got up, and started walking. He left his car, and everything behind.

Summer had checked into the mermaid hotel, she was hoping Seth would find her, but she wasn't about to run back to him. She was torn between standing her ground, and going back to him. Sarah was lost in her care bears video, and couldn't tell her mother's heart was breaking. Summer was sitting outside, crying, and smoking a cigarette, her head buried in her arms.

Marissa had been drowning herself in vodka ever since she got back to her father's hawaii estate. She stood out on the balcony, and drank, just like the time Ryan left Newport, except she was the one that left. Jimmy had sometimes come in to check on her, but was greeted by just a nod, or maybe a small, grunted "I'm fine Dad." He still held out hope that Marissa would be in a good mood when Angelina came over for dinner, but he knew nothing good could come from it. Marissa had shed a few tears, but the alcohol had made her lose a lot of emotion. She wondered if she made the right choice, but that thought told her she didn't. She had made a mistake by leaving Ryan, and she wasn't sure if she could fix it.

Kirsten was deep into a bottle of merlot for two reasons, 1) Her two sons were in terrible pain, 2) a letter had arrived that day, a letter from Carter. She couldn't open it, because of what she had done to Sandy all those years ago. It was the smallest of kisses, but it killed her everyday that went by she didn't tell Sandy. She finnally let go of her doubts, and tore the envelope open, and threw it across the room. The letter read.

_Kirsten,_

_I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I would have come down to see you, but I figured that wouldn't help things. I'm still here for you Kirsten, and I really hope you know that. (_Carter tells his phone number, and address of his sacramento house.) _You can always call me, or visit me if you need someone to talk to. I hope you are well, and give my regards to your son, and tell him I have all the issues of his book. Hope to hear from you._

_Your friend,_

_Carter Buckley_

Now Kirsten was plagued again, call him, or don't call him. Those thoughts ran through her mind for minutes until she finally threw the note in the trash. She then finished her glass of merlot, then sat on the couch, and watched an old romantic movie...she always loved them.

Summer, in the middle of her cigarette/cry session saw Seth walking across the street from her. He didn't see her, and she was ready to run to him when what she had said to him came back. _"I'm leaving and I'm not sure if I'm coming back." _She let him pass, because she felt like she didn't deserve him.

Marissa, Jimmy, and Angelina sat at the dinner table, sipping wine, and eating something Jimmy had prepared. Jimmy, and Angelina talked as Marissa played around with her food, to drunk to care. "Marissa, try to eat, I spent a long time making this." Jimmy reasoned, but nothing seemed to phase her.

"Maybe I should come back later, let you two talk." Angelina said to jimmy

"No, Marissa, stop moping around, your twenty-eight years old."

"Yeah, and living with my father...excuse me." Marissa said as she left the room. A few seconds later, a knock at the door interrupted dinner again.

Marissa, in her room, sat on her bed, and drank again, her eyes turning red with tears. Jimmy walked in.

"Dad, not now, just go away." Marissa grunted.

"Fine, but someone's here for you."

Marissa stood up and saw her father walk away, then saw him walk to the doorway. Her tears were soon wiped away, and a slight smile appeared on her face. "It's about time you got here."


	2. Chances and Discoveries

Chapter two: Chances, and discoveries.

Ryan walked into Marissa's room, his face covered in stubble from his long flight, before he could say a word, she was in his arms. He excepted the embrace greatfully, and smiled as she kissed him on the cheek.

"Thank god you're here, it was driving me insane." Marissa said.

"It's been two days sweety, we were apart for eight years." Ryan said with a slight laugh.

"Let's get out of here, Hawaii is so beautiful." Marissa said holding Ryan's hand. They walked down the stairs, and to Ryan's suprise, Jimmy shot him an angry look. Ryan was lead out the door, and wondered why Jimmy was so angry.

Seth had sat down on the side of the road, and just let the cars pass, and tears fall in the pouring rain. He missed his daughter, but more so, he missed his wife. He lit a cigarette, and mirrored his wife's actions exactly, he cried, and smoked. His wet hair blocked his vision, as a little girl walked up to him. "Daddy, you need an umbrella!" Sarah said covering her father with a small pink barbie umbrella. Seth was shocked to see her, and hugged her tightly, the little girl responded to the embrace. Summer came running towards them until she saw Seth. Her hair too was soaked, and hung lifelessly at the side of her face.

"Hi." Seth said as he released Sarah. "If I remember correctly, the last time we saw rain in California, I was in a spider man mask, and hung upside down from the roof."

"Yeah, and I was still 17. Good ol' days huh." Summer said in a sullen tone as she picked up Sarah.

"Are you ready to come home?" Seth asked almost in a plea.

"Not yet Seth...maybe soon, I don't know, I just need to be by myself right now." As she said it, she could swear she heard Seth's heart snap.

"Ok...well I'm ready for you to come, so whenever you're ready, come back." Seth said in a pitchy tone.

"Thanks Seth...Bye." With that, she walked away from him, and he fell on the wet pavement, and grass of the sidewalk.

Kirsten's concern for her boys had led her back to her wine cabinet. She had promised Ryan not to go overboard with it, but she figured another glass wouldn't hurt. As she walked to the cabinet, she tripped over the trash can. "Damn it!" She yelled as her knee collided with the hard tile floor. She started to put stuff back in the basket, then she picked up Carter's letter, and she couldn't put it back this time. When she stood back up, she layed the note on the kitchen island, and got her wine.

Ryan, and Marissa sat on the beach as the sun fell. They held hands, and were talking.

"So, what's up with your dad?" Ryan asked Marissa, who had her head on his shoulder.

"It's not him, it's me, I made the wrong choice Ryan, I shouldn't have left you in the first place." Marissa said kissing him on the cheek.

"No, I mean, he's your dad, he's your family." Ryan said looking in her eyes.

"Well, I love you alot, and I think I should go back to Newport with you."

"I'm here, so let's not think about that." Ryan said putting his grey sweatshirt over her shoulders.

A familiar face caught Marissa's eye. "Ryan...isn't that Theresa's mother?" She said pointing to an older woman.

"I think so." He said standing up and walking in that direction. "Mrs. Santiago! Is that y..." Ryan was silenced by the next sight he saw. Theresa walked up to her mother, holding the hand of an eleven year old boy...with blonde hair.


	3. Changes

Chapter three: Changes

Kirsten sat on a stool next to the kitchen island staring at the note, "Call him, throw it away, call him, throw it away." Those words contradicted themselves in her mind. She took the final drink of her cherry wine, grabbed the note, and walked to the phone...which was close to the trash can. Her eyes darted from both the can, and the phone. "Oh this is ridiculous." She said as she reached for the phone.

Kirsten dialed the phone hesitantly, and finally heard his "Hello?" Carter said on the other end.

"Hey Carter...it's kirsten. I got your letter." Kirsten said

"Oh yeah, I'm really sorry to hear about Sandy, he was a good man."

"Thanks Carter."

"So...why did you call me?"

"I was wondering if maybe you would like to go out for a drink sometime?"

Seth was laying on the grass next to the sidewalk in the pouring rain, someone walked by and threw a dollar at him, mistaking him for a homeless man. He thought maybe he could drown himself in the rain, so he opened his mouth, and let the drops fall in. He wished Ryan was there, but he was sure he had his own problems...He had no idea. Summer came walking over to him, and stood over him.

"Seth, get off of the ground, you're depressing me. Everytime I look out the window, you're laying there."

"Shut the blinds then Summer." Seth said spitting out the rain water.

"Why are you doing this?" Summer said kneeling down next to him.

"Because without you, I don't know if I could go on."

"So you're going to lay on the sidewalk for the rest of your life?" Summer said pulling a few stray hairs from in front of her eyes.

"Maybe...if you want me to leave, I'll leave Summer...Whatever you want." Seth said leaving her a chance to make things right.

"I want you to go home Seth...This isn't healthy for you" Summer said rubbing his cheek, he tried to kiss her, but she turned her face away from him. He kissed her on the cheek, stood up and walked away, leaving her on her knees. "What am I doing to myself..." Summer said as Seth was out of her vision.

Ryan stood in shock as he saw Theresa passing a football around with her son, who looked just like Ryan did at his age.

"Oh my god..." Marissa said as she rubbed Ryan's shoulders, but he was gone, all his thoughts, and feelings...gone.

He soon walked towards them, and Theresa's face mirrored Ryan's as she saw him.

"Please tell me this is some sort of mix-up...you're babysitting right?...no, no, you adopted right?" Ryan said trying to justify the feelings he so badly wanted to be real. He then walked away, and yelled at the top of his lungs on the beach. He fell to his knees, and punched the dead sand. The boy had a questioned look on his face, but soon figured it out.

"He's my dad, isn't he?" the boy said.

"Yeah Jake, he's your father." Theresa said while looking at her mother, who moved to hawaii, and invited Theresa there.

Marissa walked to Ryan, and sat next to him, and tried to comfort him the best she could, but his eyes were almost on fire with sadness, and anger. She tried to get him to calm down, but he soon fell forward, and buried his head in the sand.

Theresa was crying, and her son Jake, was hugging her, Her mother just looked on sadly. Theresa then walked over to Ryan, and got him to lift his head from the sand.

"Ryan, I'm so sorry. I couldn't tell you, you had to go back to Newport."

"Don't talk to me... ever again." He said as he walked away from all of them, rubbing the sand from his eyes. Marissa, and Theresa looked at each other, then Marissa ran after Ryan.

"Doesn't dad like you?" Jake said kneeling next to his mother.

"Not anymore sweety..." Theresa said rubbing the blonde haired boy's cheek.

Ryan had found solice in a bar, and started to chug down tequila shots. Ryan had promised not to drink anymore after Kirsten's incident at the Cohen house, but the situation called for alcohol. Marissa had followed Ryan from a distance, and entered the seedy-looking bar. She sat next to him and squeezed his arm, which caused him to look over at her. Her eyes were full of worry for him, and he knew it was sincere. He kissed her because he knew she never minded the taste of alcohol on his lips. "I'm guessing this isn't how you wanted things to turn out huh?" She asked him between soft kisses.

"I'm so sorry... I'm so damn sorry."

"For what?" Marissa asked rubbing his stubble covered cheek.

"If I had never slept with her, we could be happy right now."

"Ry, don't be sorry for that. You never wanted this, I know...it's just gonna different now."

"How so?" Ryan asked while rubbing Marissa's hand with his.

"Well... maybe Theresa will want you to stay out of it , and we won't have to change things."

"No...I made her a promise that I would help her raise the kid...but she lied to me...but don't you think I should stick to my word." Ryan asked in a frail, and uncertain tone.

"No, after all these years, she should have told you. Ryan, this isn't your burden anymore."

"Why not? B..because I haven't been there? I was lied to?"

"Exactly Ryan!"

"No...I always said I didn't want this kid to grow up like me...but he did. I let him down, and I need to make it up to him."

"How, by giving up your life? Ryan, you don't deserve this" Marissa said in a plea.

"Neither does the kid." Ryan said as he layed 10 bucks on the bar table, and walked away, leaving Marissa crying.


	4. Turning Points

Chapter four: Turning points

Kirsten sat on a stool next to Carter with a bottle of beer. They were both smiling, obviously, they had missed each other's prescence. "So, what have you been up to Carter?"

"Well, I quit the ugly american, and I started to go back to "Revolution." We did a 15 issue run, and had a good time with it. Lately, I've just been looking for that next step." Carter replied in between gulps of his beer.

"I know the feeling. The Newport Group has been struggling to stay succesful since my Dad's passing. I do the best I can, but I can't pull it off anymore... I don't know, my life is in rebuilding mode right now." She said before finishing off her drink.

"Well, if you ever need a good architect, I'm here for ya, I've been through rebuild mode like 10 times." Carter said with a chuckle.

"How do you do it?"

"My philosophy is that sometimes, life is like a burning building. You need to grab what you truly love, and cherish, take it with you, but leave the rest behind, because only a few things in life are truly worth keeping."

"What do you grab on to?" Kirsten said geniuely interested.

"Alcohol...always helped me out." Carter chuckled again.

"I had that problem too..."Kirsten replied.

"Yeah, well for me, it's not a problem. See, you have family, and friends that care about you. Your sons absolutely adore you. I never had anyone to tell me to stop, I never had anyone who really cared." Carter said in a near whisper. She never knew why, but Kirsten put her hand over his. They made eye contact, then Kirsten moved her hand away.

"Sorry...it's to soon. It's only been a month." Kirsten said looking at the ground.

"My fault, I shouldn't have written to you."

"No, I'm sorry Carter, I have to go." Kirsten said as she walked out of the bar.

Ryan had made his way back to the beach. He was sitting alone as the sun was rising, his thoughts running rampid through his mind. Soon Jake, who was riding his skateboard, saw his father, and walked up to him, and sat with him.

"So I'm guessing you don't really like me huh?" Jake said to his father.

"No, I'm just angry at your mother for not telling me about you, I'm noy angry at you kid." Ryan said patting the kid's back.

"Well...I don't really know you dad...who's the girl you were with?" Jake asked running his hands through his own hair.

"My girlf...my friend Marissa..."

"I see...what about mom."

"I haven't seen your mother in like ten years... So we aren't exactly close...Sorry I haven't been there for you kid, I promised I would, but I failed you."

"Well hey, you're here now right?...I mean you are gonna be around now right?" Jake asked worriedly.

"I don't know kid... I...just need some time Jake, and I'm not quite sure I can be a good father, I'm not ready for this."

"I get it, too late to try right? Missed the first eleven years so you're gonna bail out huh? I expected it anyways, but, I still held out hope for you dad...I hope when I have a kid, I'm a damn good father, better than you will ever be! Bye Dad." Jake said in a rage as he ran back to his board and skated away.

Seth had made his way back to the house, and was petting Captain Oats.

"I don't know whose fault this is...is it me? Who the hell am I kidding, it's always me...WHY IS IT STILL RAINING!" Seth said while throwing a pillow at the window.

The door bell rang, and Seth ran down the steps, to see Summer outside his door soaking wet.

"What are you doing here?" Seth asked to his wife.

"I've been a bitch I know, and I'm sorry. I never should have lied to you, and you deserve better." Summer said.

"Well, now that we've cleared out the obvious, why are you here?" Seth asked taking off his sweater and putting it around her shoulders.

"Sarah misses you, and...I miss you, and I'm really sorry...I'm sor.."

"Summer...just, don't talk." Seth said as he leaned close to her and kissed her deeply in the rain.

"What is it with us, rain, and dramatic kisses." Summer said.

"It's our thing." Seth said as he kissed Summer again, everything was perfect.


	5. Picking up the pieces

Chapter five: Picking up the Pieces

Seth, and Summer were back in the same building for the first time in a week. Things felt as though they never changed, but Seth kept getting the vibe that something was off. Just to pass the time between awkward silences between him and his wife, Seth called Ryan's cell phone.

"Hello?" Ryan replied in a near slur of words.

"Hey bud, how's Hawaii?" Seth asked oblivious to the situation Ryan found himself in.

"As bad as you can imagine, then double it...and you should have half of the idea of how I feel." Ryan said almost angrily.

"Dude, what's up?" Seth asked concerned causing Summer to look at Seth for an answer to the question in her mind

"Theresa, she's here...with her eleven year old blonde haired son... do the math."

"Oh my god...she had the baby..." Seth said in near shock causing Summer to drop her glass She didn't here her name, but somehow she knew that Theresa was the subject of their conversation.

"What are you gonna do Ry?"

"I have no idea...but I'm only supposed to be here for one more day, so I need to figure out what the hell it is I have to do."

"No, not what you have to do Ryan, what you want to do. This kid has been out of your life for a decade, and not only that, you were lied to so that you would believe there was no kid. Your decision is what you want to do... Just don't think of it as a weight on your shoulder. It's not your fault you didn't know about the kid." Seth said trying to convince his friend of going with Theresa.

"It's not that easy it...it's complicated." Ryan replied as if he has lost all hope.

"It always is bro...hang in there, bye."

Seth hung up the phone in a look of disgust. Summer came over, and wrapped her arms around his neck, but received no response. She kissed him on the cheek, and walked away. Summer figured that it was just because of Ryan's problem... to Seth, some problems were his.

meanwhile -

Kirsten had driven all the way to Sacramento to see Carter, but now that she was at his door, she was frozen. "It's too soon, You just saw him, don't go in." One side of her mind repeated, but the other side said "What are you waiting for, it's been a month, and it's not like your going to do anything with him. Just be polite, and have a drink... I know you like to drink." Her mind had been undecided ever since Carter came back into her life. Before she could make a move, the door opened.

"You know usually, I don't have to open the door for visitors before they knock... Not that I get any visitors...but anyways, come in." Carter said as Kirsten wearily stepped into his decent sized house

"So, what brings you here?" Carter said pouring two glasses of cherry wine, he always knew what she wanted to drink. She figured fifteen years of being a drunk gave him super bartending powers.

"Hey, I think I just made a new character for "Atomic County." She muttered.

"I felt bad about just running out on you the other night, and I wanted to say I was sorry."

"Well, that's very nice, but you're a very busy woman, and I don't think you would drive to Sacramento just to apologize...what else is on your mind?" Carter said as he handed her the glass of sweet alcohol.

"Well..ever since I've read your letter, I can't get you out of my head. I don't know why, but... you're always on my mind." Kirsten said embarrassed as she sipped a bit of her wine.

"Well...I'm sorry, but I'm actually seeing someone right now... I didn't mean to lead you on Kirsten, and if I did, I'm sorry" Carter said apologetically. Kirsten"s expression was one that he couldn't read.It was either sadness, or relief, he couldn't tell. She placed her wine glass on the table next to her, and walked out of the door. He threw his glass against the far wall, and the red liquid cascaded down the white wall, he could care less because he knew then that he hurt someone who truly meant something to him.

She got to her car, and sped off into the falling sun, her eyes dripping with salty tears. She wiped them away as soon as they came out, not letting herself cry over him.

meanwhile

Seth sat on his bed listening to the Death Cab for Cutie CD that he had as a teenager, he felt as though he still identified with the songs. Summer came up to his room, knowing something was wrong.

"Sarah fell asleep in the middle of herPowerPuff girl video, so I thought maybe we could talk. I know something is wrong, maybe it's Ryan, maybe it's us, but I want to find out what it is..."

Summer said running her hand through his short cut, curly, black hair.

"I'm just still a little rattled after everything. These things shouldn't be resolved by one dramatic kiss in the rain. Maybe we need to stop for a minute, and think about what we are doing." Seth said rubbing Summer's cheek with his hand.

"So, you don't want to be with me?" Summer asked in a shocked, and scared tone.

"No, of course I do, why would I lay outside in the pouring rain for half a day if I didn't love you. I'm just saying we can't just automatically return to the way we were after what just happened with us. Do you understand what I mean?" Seth asked comforting his worried wife.

"Yes, I just never meant to hurt you, and I thought we could start over from when we were happy!"

"Maybe we shouldn't...Summer, I love you more than words, but if we just brush this off, one day I might wake up, think of this, and be more pissed off, and hurt than I am today. I don't want that, I think maybe we should face this head-on, and take care of it now so when this is over, we can be happy...I'm gonna go take a walk, I'll be back, ok?" Seth said before kissing Summer on the forehead, and walking out of his room.

meanwhile-

Ryan sat alone in Marissa's room, he figured she was at a bar. She soon came into the room, and sat next to him on the bed. "I love it when you have stubble, it reminds me of the first time we met... Look, I know this is hard for you, and I know that this is something you never wanted, but you might have to go with Theresa. I love you to death, and I want you to be happy, but this is something we have to face." Marissa said as she touched his face,

"I know...but I'm not gonna lose you again. You left my life 3 times already, and I don't want to make this a 4th time. Theresa lied to me, and I know this is big, but this isn't my problem anymore. I love you, and only you, and this kid is not gonna tear me away from you, not again...I'm gonna go talk to Theresa, and tell her I can't take care of this kid, not if it takes me away from you." Ryan said. They kissed deeply, and he walked away from her.

later-

Kirsten was at the house alone, well, except for Summer, and Sarah who were asleep upstairs when the doorbell rang. She slowly walked to it, and opened it up to see Carter.

"Carter, hi, what are you doing here." Kirsten asked while inviting him into the house.

"Kirsten, I thought about why you came over today, and how you reacted when I realized that I have feelings for you...I wanted you to know that I stopped seeing the woman I was with, and I came here to see you. I hope that means something to you, because you mean a hell of a lot to me..." Carter said. He felt vulnerable after spilling his affections to a woman he hadn't seen in years.

"Well...Carter, I say... I thought you would have been here hours ago." She said as she slowly leaned close, and kissed Carter again. She still felt guilt, but the moment had swept her away. They continued the kiss for several seconds until the door opened, and Seth walked in. The sight caused his eyes almost automatically fill with tears of anger. Right after opening the door, Seth walked outside again, and closed the door.


	6. Consequences

Sorry for the long wait, I hope you all enjoy this chapter. (It was hard to write) Please review!

P.S. This chapter features two instances of stronger language.I Hope no one is offended

* * *

Chapter six: Consequences 

Seth sat on the hood of his car, looking up at the blackness of the cool California night. After a few minutes, Carter came out of the house and walked up to Seth.

"Seth, I'm sorry, but I care about your mother very much. I know the wounds are still raw, but you have to move on sometime...Can you forgive me?" Carter said while extending his hand out for Seth to shake.

"Carter...shove the apology up your ass, and get the hell away from me..." Seth said not once looking at Carter. Carter walked away defeated. He glanced back at Seth once more, but saw no emotion from him.

Seth went back inside the house, Kirsten stood behind the kitchen island with a glass of merlot, and a sad look on her face. "Seth...I'm so sorry sweety." She said walking towards him with her arms open, suggesting a hug.

"While you're at it, why not go down to Hawaii and fuck Jimmy Cooper huh?" Seth said in anger as he stomped up the steps. Kirsten's arms fell, and tears ran down her cheeks. She knew it was a mistake, but she didn't know how much she was going to lose.

-meanwhile in Hawaii-

Ryan walked up to Theresa's Mother's house, and knocked on the door. Theresa answered it, and wasn't surprised to see him. "Wanna come in?" She asked looking at the father of her child.

"No...but we need to talk, now." Ryan said as Theresa, and he walked away from the doorstep. "Listen, I don't want to sound like an ass right now...but I can't be a father to this kid...Marissa, and I are just starting to get things back together...and now this." Ryan said sincerely. He was trying to be forceful, but he felt bad for her.

"So what? You decide to come down here, act all tough, and tell me off? That's nice Ry... I'm starting to think we're 15 again." Theresa said with a sharp edge to her words.

"I'm not trying to tell you off Theresa! I'm telling you that I can't be a father to your kid." Ryan said trying to soften his tone.

"Technically, he's your kid too" Theresa replied angrily.

"No, eleven years ago, he was my kid, but you lied to me. I would have been a father to Jake. "

"But you would have hated me, and would have been unhappy." Theresa reasoned

"I was unhappy that entire Summer! But I took two jobs, and lived with you for the sake of the child. The fact that you lied to me, and got me out of your life is not my problem anymore."

"Maybe not, but the only reason I lied to you was because I wanted you to be happy. I knew you would never be happy with me, no matter how much I loved you, so I did what I had to, to make you happy." Theresa said sadly.

"...It didn't matter how I felt about you, I would have stayed with you anyways, now I've done exactly what I said I would never do...I let this kid grow up without a father...For his sake, I hope he doesn't turn out like me." Ryan said sadly.

"I hope he does...because when we were together...when we were younger, you were the greatest guy I ever knew. You would treat me so good, and we both know that for chino, to find a guy like that, is something special... Jake is a great kid, you not being around was tough, but you know me, I'm tough. We'll get through it, I always do." Theresa said kneeling next to Ryan who had sat down on the sand. "You and Marissa just..work. Even after 11 years apart, you two are back together again...My place is here with Jake and my mom. You belong with her. Even when you aren't a couple, you will always be a couple. You can't fight that Ryan...not that you'd ever want to." Theresa said smiling as she ran her hand through Ryan's hair.

"Maybe...but she chose to come here instead of staying with me...maybe she doesn't feel the same way I do...maybe she never did." Ryan said not responding to Theresa's wandering hand.

"Bullshit Ry, she fought for you, she told me off right in front of you and Seth. She always cared about you, just like I did...The point is that we both love you...but I lost you. Don't let her lose you too...it's not fun." Theresa said looking defeated.

"What am I supposed to do. The woman I have a child with lied to me for eleven years, and now tells me she loves me...and the woman I love left me to live with her father...what am I supposed to do?" Ryan said standing up frustrated.

"Do what you feel is right...do what you want...Look, one of us is gonna end up hurt, and the way stuff is going for me, one more heartbreak isn't gonna make a lot of difference...I know you love her, and maybe it's time I finally realize that...Ryan Atwood...whatever you choose..I love you." Theresa said in a near whisper as she kissed Ryan softly on his lips, to which he only slightly returned. He was more torn now than ever before, and now, he knew Theresa still loved him.

-Meanwhile in Newport-

Kirsten had began to down her second bottle of wine in less than two hours when Summer walked down the steps. "Kirsten? What's wrong Mrs. Cohen?" Summer asked sitting next to Kirsten on the couch.

"Seth came home, and saw me...kissing Carter...he's an old friend." Kirsten said sadly before downing a large glass of wine.

"Oh my god, he just went right to sleep, he didn't say anything...should I talk to him?" Summer said taking away Kirsten's wine bottle, and glass, and sitting it on the kitchen counter.

"No...I should, it's not your problem Summer" Kirsten said appreciating the offer.

"Yes it is. Seth is my husband, and he's just gone through a hard time, just like everyone else. I think we should talk to him together." Summer said while giving Kirsten a bottle of water.

"Ok... but let's wait till' tomorrow. Okay?" Kirsten said sadly.

"Ok...He'll come around...I know." Summer said as she walked away from Kirsten. As soon as Summer walked up the stairs, Kirsten grabbed the wine bottle, and sat on the couch. She knew it was wrong, but her old habits overtook her, and she drank all night.

-meanwhile in Hawaii-

Ryan walked into The Cooper's Hawaii estate, and was immediately engulfed with a hug from Marissa. Ryan's face didn't light up as Marissa's did. She knew right away that something was wrong. "Ryan...what's wrong?" Marissa asked as stepped back a little.

"Marissa...I'm going back to Newport tomorrow...and I'm not sure that I want you to come with me." Ryan said sadly.

"What?...Why? Don't you want to be with me?" Marissa said as her eyes almost immediately filled up with tears.

"Yeah, of course. The question is do you want to be with me?" Ryan said wiping away Marissa's tears, and calming her down.

"Ryan? You know I do!" Marissa said while frantically searching for the reason for his apprehension.

"Well, you chose to leave me just a few days ago...how can I know that some situation might come up and take you away from me forever? I want to be with you, I just need to know that your heart is with me." Ryan said sadly.

"Ryan... My decision to leave you was a mistake, and even though we're together, I still feel like I let you down...I promise, that will never, ever happen again." Marissa said pleading with Ryan.

"Maybe it wasn't a mistake...maybe you're more important to me than I am to you...whatever. I'm leaving tomorrow, and I want you to be with me, I swear to god I do, I just want to be sure that you are sure of your love for me, and that you're ready to commit. I got you a plane ticket...I love you...more than words can ever say...please be there." After Ryan said his piece, he kissed her softly and walked out of the house. Marissa fell to her knees and sobbed. The man she loved had left her a choice. One that she felt sure of, but would turn out to be the most difficult decision of her life


	7. No Happy Endings

Hey, I hope everyone is enjoying the story. If you do read this, please review it, I love reading your comments. This chapter was difficult to write, but I hope you all like it. I make these things for you guys, so please, please, please review!

p.s: Despite this chapter's title, this is not the end of the story. I plan on making a few more chapters.

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Chapter seven: No happy endings

Seth had gotten up early that day, very early for his usual routine. He got up in the hopes of being able to get out of the house without running in to his mother. He quickly, and quietly walked downstairs only to find his mother already up, and drinking a full glass of merlot.

"Great, this should be fun...just be stealth Seth, be very stealth." Seth whispered to himself as he started tip-toeing to the the door. His nearly succesfull escape was ruined by a loud, obnoxious "HEY!" from his inebriated Mother.

"Oh look, my mother, the cheating wino, what magical screw-up do you have in store for us today?" Seth said with a lethal sharp edged sarcastic tone that made his mother look upset.

"Now wait just a minute there almighty Ironist! What gives you the right to criticize me?" Kirsten said in a clearly intoxicated tone.

"The fact that you kissed another man just a little over a month after your husband, and my father died! I don't want to talk to you right now, I'm leaving for a while...don't wait up. What the hell am I saying, you'll be passed out by noon" Seth said while grabbing his keys and heading towards the door.

"Seth! Wait, don't go!" Summer said running down the stairs. She grabbed onto Seth's shoulder, and spun him around. "Listen...She's drunk, we were supposed to talk to you today but..." She was cut off.

"Wait...you're on her side? Summer, she kissed another guy? You and my dad were never that close, but we were, and she makes me sick! They were together for 30 years, and now, a month after he's gone, she's already moving on? This is messed up, and I'm not gonna put up with it" Seth said angrily looking at Summer, and occasionally shooting his mother an angry look.

" She didn't mean to hurt you Seth, she never would, it's just a weird time right now, for everyone. Look, don't be out to late ok? I'll try to get her to calm down so we can all talk" Summer said pleading with Seth to forgive his mother.

" I don't want to talk to her Summer. I'm kind of hurt though...You took her side without hearing my side...Well, whatever, I'm leaving, so yeah." Seth said before walking out the door. Summer looked back at Kirsten with a sad look, which Kirsten returned.

"God I make myself sick" Kirsten said putting her hand over her eyes to cover up her tears.

"Kirsten, you just need to rest. He'll be back later, just go get some sleep, and try to sober up a little. We need to get him to trust you again...I'll talk to him tonight." Summer said consoling Kirsten before hugging her, and wiping her tears away.

-meanwhile in Hawaii-

Ryan was at his hotel room packing up his suitcase for the long journey home, with, or without Marissa. He had to stop, and sit down at times because his emotions had gotten the better of him. So much had changed in a matter of weeks that he wasn't sure if any of it meant anything at all. A knock at the door took him away from his packing, and brought him to the door to see Theresa.

"...Hi, I know I shouldn't be here, and you might not want me here...but I had to see you again." Theresa said fiddling with her fingers in nervousness.

"Well, wanna come in?...It's kinda messy, but you should be used to that from me by now" Ryan said with a fake little laugh. He knew Theresa shouldn't have been there, but he also knew he wanted to see her too. "Want a drink, soda, coffee, beer?" Ryan asked while pushing his suitcase off the bed, and letting Theresa sit on the mattress.

"Um...no...But I do want to talk to you... I know you are leaving today...but I wanted you to know that all that stuff I said...was a lie." Theresa said as if it caused her pain to say those words.

"What do you mean?" Ryan asked sitting next to Theresa on the bed.

"I don't love you...I don't want you to take care of my kid...I just don't want you around anymore" Theresa said trying to convince both herself, and Ryan that she meant the words she so painfully had to say.

"Why are you doing this Theresa? I know this is all bull. You kissed me for chissakes!" Ryan replied to Theresa's obvious lies.

"Because I figured it would be easier to let you go if you thought I didn't care about you!" Theresa said, sounding almost relieved to tell Ryan the truth

"Theresa...I know things have always been weird, and strained for us...but I always cared about you...and I think I always will. You don't have to let me go, we can still be friends." Ryan said trying to make things easier for both of them.

"I don't want to be your friend Ryan. The friend card died for me when I gave birth to your son. Ryan, I love you, and I think I always have...If you leave, again, I'll be alone." Theresa said rubbing his freshly shaven face with her thumb.

"You won't be alone...you'll have jake, and your mom, and..." Ryan was cut off.

"You know that's not what I mean...I know you don't care about me the way I care about you...but..." It was Theresa's turn to be cut off.

"I still care about you Theresa...I think we'll always care about each other in some way or another...I'm just not sure right now is a good time for us to be together." Ryan replied with an unsure look.

Theresa's face contorted into sadness, and she sniffled back tears. "I thought I would be well prepared for this...but, I guess not huh?" Theresa said reaching her hand up to wipe away her tears. Before she could, Ryan did the job for her. Theresa accepted Ryan's touch gladly, and as she stood up, she realized how much he meant to her. "Well, I'll see you around Ryan Atwood...don't be a stranger." Before she could walk away, she turned herself around, and kissed Ryan deeply, and passionately in a way that they had not kissed in over 11 years.

Ryan broke away from the kiss as soon as he could, and had a shocked look on his face. "I...I...I think you should go Theresa." Ryan said regaining his breath.

"I'm really sorry...Goodbye Ryan Atwood." And with that, she walked out of the room, and out of Ryan's life again.

Outside the hotel, Marissa was getting out of her car when she saw Theresa walking from the hotel entrance. Marissa was shocked, not even letting the thought of her visiting someone other than Ryan have a chance to exist. Marissa walked up to Ryan's room, which had the door still wide open.

"The door's wide open. Someone could come right in here, and say...spend some private time with their ex-boyfriend...hmph?" Marissa asked with a half angry, and half sad expression.

"Marissa...Nothing happened, I promise you." Ryan said walking toward Marissa, and trying to touch her face, but she moved away from his embrace. "What's wrong?" Ryan asked sadly.

"How am I supposed to know that?" Marissa said nearly in tears.

"Because I wouldn't lie to you Marissa, nothing happened."

"Then what was she doing here then?"

"She came to say goodbye. Marissa, trust me." Ryan said almost discusted with her lack of trust.

"...I trust you but...Everything between us is always screwed up when she is around...And I..."

"That's not her fault, it's mine!" Ryan said cutting Marissa off.

"So what, now your defending her?" Marissa asked angrily.

"Yeah, because I'm the screwed up one in this relationship no matter how much you try to destroy yourself." Ryan said in a louder tone.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Marissa replied harshly. The two of them had never argued like that, Theresa brought the worst out in them.

"I mean your always hurting yourself, if it's alcohol, or depression, you're always trying to mess up your life, but I'm the real messed up one. I love you Marissa, but I always find a way to mess us up, maybe this isn't any different!" Ryan said spilling his true feelings.

"Maybe you're right...Maybe this isn't any different. As long as she's in your life...I don't know if we can make it." Marissa said in a much more depressed tone.

"She's out of my life Marissa...I only want you." He said trying to smooth things over.

"No she isn't, she has your child. I've been in denial this whole time. Just because we want her out of the way...That's impossible now." Marissa said in full-blown tears.

"W...What are you saying Marissa?" Ryan asked scared for her answer.

"I'm...s..s..saying...I don't think this...we, are going to work." Ryan's eyes closed, as if he had been shot as she spoke the words. She walked out of the room leaving him alone, in shock. Ryan punched the closest mirror in the room, cutting his hand. He let the blood run out, not caring about the pain. What's the point of pain when you have nothing to feel pain for.

-meanwhile in Newport-

Summer had let Kirsten get sober most of the day, then helped her clean-up, and get ready for Seth's return home. Summer had made dinner, and sat at the table, waiting for Seth, who returned home not too long after.

"Sweety! I made dinner, come on!" Summer said in her light, inviting tone.

"I'm not hungry Summ, sorry." Seth said heading up the steps.

"Well...can we at least talk?" Summer said from the bottom of the steps.

"Nothing to talk about." Seth said looking back down the steps at his wife.

"Are you kidding? All you ever do is talk, Come on, I made you fajita's!" Summer said waiving him on to come down the steps.

"No, because my mother is in there, and instead of enjoying the fajita's, I'll have to hear the second leg of the Kirsten cohen apology tour, and I'm not in the mood for that." Seth said glibly.

"Seth, come on, she didn't mean to hur..."

Before she could finish, Ryan walked through the door, alone.

"Hey Ryan" Summer said waving to him. He didn't wave back, he just made the smallest of nods in her direction.

"Hey bro, is Marissa here, when's she comin back?" Seth asked from the second floor.

"She's not coming back...goodnight." Ryan said in the most lifeless of tones. Seth looked at the ground in sadness, and Summer patted Ryan's back as he walked straight into the poolhouse. Kirsten ran up to Summer, and Seth in confusion.

"What happened?" Kirsten said scared.

"We don't know." Seth said walking into his room. Everyone in the Cohen house was miserable, and there was no end to the sadness in sight.


	8. The last stand

Hey everyone! It's been a long time between updates, and for any readers I have earned, I apologize. I took time off from writing because I wasn't sure what direction I wanted to go with the story. Now, I feel like I have an Idea of where to go with it, and I promise at least two more chapters. I hope everyone enjoys this chapter, and the chapters ahead. Please review. I love reading your feedback!

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Chapter eight: The last stand

Ryan had spent the better part of a week in the pool house, only coming out for the occasional coffee, or bagel. Seth, and Kirsten had put their problems aside for a while, at least until Ryan went back to the way he was. Seth, and Summer tried to talk to him occasionally, which only resulted in grumbles, and nods, or nothing at all. None of them had ever seen him like that before. Ryan was strong, Ryan was a fighter, Ryan was a survivor...but all that had faded away.

Marissa stayed in Hawaii after Ryan left. She always thought that the whole Ryan- Theresa thing was over...maybe it was...maybe she was wrong. He never lied to her before, why would he lie know, she thought to herself. The memories, and thoughts gave her a headache, which she tried to drown out with heavy doses of vodka. Her drinking had gotten much, much worse lately. She tried to convince herself that it wasn't that bad, but she was, as always, lying to herself. She hadn't slept a full night ever since she left...she looked like hell. She felt worse.

Sethwas a wreck as well. In the midst of all Ryan's problems, he felt his relationships with his mother, and maybe even his wife, were crumbling down, and holding on by a thread. "If only Dad were here" Seth said on many occasions. He doubted himself constantly, as a father, son, and husband, and he could feel everything he had worked for slipping away. "If only Sandy were here".

Kirsten was the only person who had tried to stay out of the way of the slow car crash that her two sons lives had become. She felt horrible about everything, and took blame upon herself to try to justify the pain Seth, and Ryan were feeling. The one thing she felt worst about was Ryan's problems. She was able to trace his problems back to his first day in Newport. Maybe if she had turned him away from their home, he would have never met Marissa, which would make his pain non-existent. "How stupid" She thought to herself. She knew Ryan loved living with them, and wouldn't push the blame on anyone but himself.

Ryan made one of his daily appearances in the kitchen, which gave Kirsten time to talk to him, something she should have done from the beginning. "Ryan...can I talk to you for a little bit...I feel like we should try to work things out." Kirsten said while pouring Ryan a fresh cup of orange juice.

"Nothing to talk about...she told me it was over...so it's over" Ryan said before sipping his juice. He looked just as bad, if not worse than Marissa. He had clearly not shaved in days, leaving a dark stubble all around his face. His hair was disheveled, and he black bags under his eyes. Kirsten was heartbroken after seeing her handsome boy so changed.

"Maybe you should give her a call. She's calmed down by now, maybe you could try to smooth some things over with her. I know you two love each other, and let me tell you...love is worth fighting for." Kirsten said putting her hand on Ryan's shoulder.

"She was right...No matter how hard I fight for her, something will always come between us...Maybe this isn't supposed to work." Ryan said in the dulcet tones of a broken heart.

"Are you kidding? I've seen you two together. You just have one of those "When it's good, it's great, when it's bad, it's worse" relationships. The question you have to ask yourself is this: Is going through the bad times worth it to get to the good times?" Kirsten said while trying to convince him to give her one more chance.

"Ten years ago...I would have said yes without a second's hesitation...but after ten years of being separated, and a month of absolute hell...I just don't know anymore...Thanks for the juice." Ryan said in a dead, flat tone. He walked back in the pool house, and shut the blinds.

Jimmy Cooper tried valiantly to get his daughter to stop drinking. He had seen her be self destructive before, but nothing matched the chaotic pace of her drinking. Jimmy was forced to make a call he hoped he would never have to make. "Hey….Jules….I know it's been a long time, but I think you should get over here. Our daughter needs help. I think it will do her some good to see you….hell, I think it would do me some good to see you again. Hope to see you soon Julie."

Seth had found solace in something he had put aside for a while, writing "Atomic County". The events of the last month had wore him down to the point that he thought he might never write again. Summer, and Sarah were the only things keeping him going, but with the shaky relationship they had at the moment, things felt like they were going to get worse. The events that had worn him down to his last nerve were the basis for the novel he titled "The last stand" It said everything he could never say, do everything he could never do, and ended in tragedy. He somehow knew it would be the last story he would write until he got his life back together. Something he wasn't sure he could do.  
Summer and Sarah sat in Seth's old room reading a story when a weary Seth walked into the room.

"Sarah, why don't you go see grandma, she'll finish your story" Summer said while rubbing the little girl's back. She ran out of the room, leaving Seth and Summer alone for the first time in days. "Hey Seth….wanna talk?"

"Not really….I just need some rest." Seth said while pushing curly locks of hair from his eyes.

"I think we need to talk….I know everything has been really strained lately, but I want to know where we stand." Summer said while making room for Seth to sit down on the bed.

"I…I don't know Summ…I don't want to talk right now. It's been a long week…Hell, it's been a long month, I just need time."

"How much time? I want you to promise me we're going to get through this."

"We will…I promise….It's just tough right now. With My mom, and us, now Ryan….it's just piling up on us…and it's just a lot of weight on my shoulders….both our shoulders."

"Hey, with our history, we have had more weight on our shoulders than anyone will ever know…but we've been strong…and we just need to hold on for a little bit." Summer said while putting her hand on his back.

"Maybe you should be the one making the promises….I love you, and we're gonna get through this…" Seth said before kissing Summer.

Ryan was in the poolhouse as usual when his phone rang, which it hadn't in days.

"Hello….Hey Trey……Not to good man…you?…Good, Good….Yeah, I've been thinking about it a lot lately….Really?…Yeah…I'm actually thinking about coming back anyways…Yeah, for good….Yeah, well talk to you later bro…bye."

Ryan put the phone down with new thoughts in his mind, and he knew what he had to do.  
Kirsten, Seth, Summer, and Sarah were in the kitchen when Ryan walked out with his black hoodie, and his green duffle bag. Everyone in the room stared in a questioning look.

"Where are you going bro?" Seth said before taking a drink of his soda.

"I'm going home….back to Chino." Ryan said while laying his bag on the ground.

"What? Why?" Kirsten said in shock, while nearly dropping her glass.

"My mom is getting out of prison next week….and I need to get out of Newport. Everything here just reminds me of Marissa, who I need to let go."

"You're coming back right?" Seth said sadly.

"I don't know….I don't think so. I need to get my life back. Living here with you guys has been the best thing that has ever happened to me…but I need to figure out my next step…and I need to be with my family right now."

"Ryan, we are your family! If you don't know that by now, you're crazy." Kirsten said in an almost angry tone.

"I know you guys are, but My mom is different now. Just knowing she stood up to A.J, and taking responsibility for Trey again shows me that. I love you guys to death, and I'll always be around, I just need to go away for a little." Ryan said in the most comforting tone he could muster up at the time.

"If this is what you want…I guess we can't stop you." Kirsten said in the same semi-angry tone.

"Kirsten….You are more of a mother to me than my mom will ever be…but maybe that's because I never gave her the chance. I'll always see you as a mother…but I need to be with my mom right now, just so she knows I forgive her for everything." Ryan said before hugging Kirsten tightly. Kirsten gripped Ryan tightly and didn't want to let him go. He hugged Summer, and then Seth, and walked out of the house.

A cab showed up a few minutes later, and he waved goodbye to the only family he had in the last ten years. Kirsten waved between sniffs, and Seth waved as well. After the cab pulled away, Kirsten broke down, and cried on Seth's shoulder. One boy left to find his family., but in the action, may have left another family in ruins.


	9. A fresh Start

Hello again my beautiful readers. Thanks for all the support, and good reviews (for some reason, my stories don't get alot of reviews...someone tell me why!) Anyways, I expect this particular story to go on for at least 2 to 3 more chapters, depending on how inspired I get. If you are reading this story, or just this chapter, PLEASE REVIEW! It can be good, bad, a death-threat, a love letter, I don't care, just write something. I hope everyone enjoys the story, and some of the risks I am taking (Keeping Ryan-Marissa apart most of the time/ moving Ryan back to Chino) and I hope to have a long, and hopefully well recieved list of stories to my name, and I'm appreciative for anyone who's along for the ride!

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Chapter nine: A fresh start

It had been about a month since Ryan had arrived back at chino to a huge hug from his big brother. Trey's wife ashley was out of town for a while on business, so it was just Trey, and Ry in the old, beat up house they grew up in...at least until dawn came home. She arrived at the house to hugs, and tears from both of her boys, especially Ryan. He cried for the first time since the phone call from Kirsten that started this whole strange journey. "It's good to have you home Ry."

"It's good to have you back Mom...It's good to be home again." Ryan said while his Mother ran her hand over his nearly buzz-cut hair. Dawn didn't age a bit over the years, and Ryan found comfort in the warm embrace of the Mother who had left him behind all those years ago.

That was three weeks ago, and Ryan's mood had changed drastically. He went back to Chino with an open heart, a new life, he came back for a fresh start, but now, he missed his old life. He missed the Cohens. He missed Sandy...but the one thing that scared him the most was the fact that he missed Marissa.

-meanwhile in Newport beach-

The warmth that had always inhabited the Cohen house had faded away ever since Ryan went home. Seth, and Summer didn't communicate much anymore, Kirsten was back to drinking heavily, and no one was themselves. Everyone just passed eachother by without a word, and stayed to themselves most of the time. The only person who wasn't in a permanent doom and gloom attitude was Sarah, and she was five years old. During one of his daily appearence outside his room, Seth saw his mother pouring the remnants of a vodka bottle into a glass filled with ice. Seth raced over to her and took the glass and poured it down the drain.

"Mom, you gotta stop this, you're not making things better with this!" Seth said while catching the glare his mother sent his way.

"That was my second to last bottle Seth! It's not like I'm overdoing i..." She slurred as she nearly collapsed to the ground. Seth helped her maintain her balance.

"Listen, we're all kinda messed up right now, I know, but you've gone back to your old ways, you're gonna end up in rehab, or worse this time."

"Oh no...I am NOT going to rehab again Seth! One of my sons just left to be with a Mother who left him out in the cold...How am I supposed to feel right now?" Kirsten said while looking around in the freezer for her last bottle of vodka. Seth slammed the freezer shut and blocked it from her.

"Mom...this has gotta stop...I'm not gonna let you do this to yourself again. If Ryan were here, he'd be right here instead of me, and you know it." Seth said while trying to reason with her, but he saw no change in her eyes.

"Yeah, right...but Ryan isn't here...Ryan felt it was more important to go back to the family that treated him like trash, and leave us behind." Kirsten said in a clearly inebriated slur.

"He didn't abandon us Mom, he went to find out if things could work in Chino. For all we know, he could be on the highway on his way back...Hell he could be at the door right now!" Seth said before pausing as if Ryan would just knock, and walk in right at that moment. He knew it was a lie, but it was a lie he wanted to believe.

"Seth...please...Ryan is as much a son to me as you are, I love you both more than life itself...and he just left us without a second thought...I don't think this is a situation where you should limit my intake right now honey...Tell me you wouldn't be drinking right now if Sarah grew up and just walked out of your life..." Kirsten said in near tears. What she said, even though she was drunk, was absolutely right. Seth would be in her shoes in that situation too. He reached in the freezer, opened the vodka bottle, and poured 3/4 of it in the sink. He handed her the small amount that was left

"Take the rest...I'm going to see Ryan, see if I can bring him home." He hugged his Mother, and watched her down the rest of the bottle. He threw the bottle away, and went out the door and into the Range Rover. As soon as kirsten heard Seth pull away, she reached into the back of the freezer, pushed a few boxes of frozen food away, and pulled her hand out with another full bottle of vodka in her grasp. She felt bad for doing this too him, but it was the only way she knew how to cope.

-Meanwhile in Hawaii-

Marissa had only gotten worse since she broke up with Ryan. She was drunk almost everyday, she had black bags under her eyes, and the beautiful, smart Marissa that everyone adored had all but died.

Jimmy sat in the living room when the doorbell rang. He opened the door and saw the fiery red hair he hoped he would never have to see again. "Hello Jules." Jimmy said while letting her into the house.

"Well James, you've done pretty well for yourself...suprising." Julie said with dry hatred that made Jimmy squirm.

"Good, get it out of your system because I didn't call you to come and make our lives worse...Well then wait...why did I call you?"

"Nice Jimmy, nice. And to think you told me you would be happy to see me."

"Yeah, I don't know what the hell I was thinking, but we have bigger problems here...Our daughter is a wreck." Jimmy said while tilting his vision to Marissa's room.

"What is it this time. Drugs, painkillers?" Julie said without an ounce of shock in her voice.

"Alcohol, she and Ryan broke up, she hasn't consumed anything more than water, and a little food in the past week and a half, and I have to force her to eat that." Jimmy said with a voice full of worry.

" What the hell Jimmy! Why didn't you call me sooner?" She said with the lethal tone again.

"Because I knew you would do what you always do...Try to get her put away."

"It's called tough love James, she needs to get better, and since you're not mister authority, we need someone to help her out. If that's a doctor, then I'll do what I must, but I can't let her self destruct again."

"What she needs is some love, and support from her Mother and Father, not to be put in a facility Julie, maybe you don't understand that in order to be a Mother, YOU have to help your child, not a doctor."

"I've tried to help her, but she just pushes me away, an..." She was cut off.

"You're kidding me right? You never listened to her, or helped her through her problems. You pushed her to be just like you, she had to be perfect." She cut him off this time.

" I tried to give her the future she deserved. I didn't get born into that kind of luck. I was trying to make sure she had everything I didn't."

"You expect me to believe that Julie? I'm not some newpsie trophy wife, I know you, you married me, and caleb for the money, and you wanted her to be just like you, but she's not you, she's better than you." Jimmy said with an anger that he rarely ever showed.

"STOP IT!" Marissa yelled from the floor above. "Both of you, just shut up. You don't care about me! You just want to get back at each other, and I'm just a convienence. Listen you really wanna help me Mom?...Then get the hell out of my life." Marissa said with anger in her voice that they had never heard before.

"Listen Marissa, you have no right to speak to me like that...I am your Mother!"

"And you have no right to control me anymore. I'm not a kid , you can't just lock me away, that's a choice I make, not you!"

"I can lock you up if I need to, but I don't want to, and I shouldn't have to. I didn't raise you like this."

"You didn't raise me you bitch, Dad did, you pushed me away because I wasn't the child you wanted. You put my little sister in boarding school just because she didn't turn out like you wanted her to. If anyone deserves to be locked away it's you!" Marissa said with anger. Julie looked shocked at the words her daughter used.

" MARISSA COOPER! Who in the hell do you think you are? I'm calling the local rehab center and you're getting help!" Julie says while pulling out her cellphone.

"Julie wait, you don't have to do this, just let everyone cool down." James said trying to reason with the women.

"No Dad, let her call, I'll be long gone by then." Marissa said from her room. She picked up the bag she packed just in case she needed it, and headed towards the door.

"You're not going anywhere Marissa. The doctors are on the way now, and we're gonna get you healthy again honey. I'm sorry I yelled at you, b..." Marissa cut her off.

"Well I'm not. I don't need help, I need you to get out of my way, and out of my life. You're just making things worse for me...Move." Marissa said as she walked forward getting closer to the door. Julie grabbed her arm violently. "Let me go!"

"No, you need to learn that there is a consequences to hurting yourself. I'm doing this for you." Julie said while Marissa tried to wiggle herself free.

"Mom, let me go...right now." Marissa said with a dark look of rage in her eyes. She finally pulled her arm out of Julie's grasp, and ran into her car, and sped off.

"Well that went well." Julie said while opening her cellphone.

"Jules, you sure do bring out the best in people." Jimmy said while walking away.

-meanwhile in Chino-

Ryan was sitting on his bed, running his hand along his hair. He still wasn't used to not having long bangs in his eyes. The knocking at the door suprised him, no one had come to the house except for his mother. Dawn yelled "I'll get it" from the other room, and Ryan relaxed again.

"Hello, can I help you?" Dawn said not recognizing the curly haired boy at her door.

"Yeah, my name is Seth Cohen, is Ryan in?" Seth said nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

"Oh, you're Seth! I knew I've seen you before, Ryan talks about you alot. Come in, he's in the room on the left." Dawn said while opening the screen door and letting Seth in the modest house.

"Thank you, I'll just go talk to Ryan quickly." Seth said as he walked into the small room that Ryan was laying in.

Seth Knocked on the door, and Ryan jumped up when he saw Seth. The boys hugged, and Ryan let Seth sit on the chair next to his desk. "It seems like forever since I saw you last man, how are you?" Ryan said while handing Seth a soda from the small fridge just outside his room.

"Oh, I'm fine bro...I like the hair, it looks good on you."

"Yeah, thanks...I just figured it'd be easier to take care of...We don't exactly have access to high quality, high priced shampoo here." Ryan said with a smirk. "So what brings you into the neighborhood bro?"

"It's about Mom...my mom, sorry. She's a wreck man, she's drinking like crazy again, and it's starting to scare me. Summer and I arent' talking much anymore, and everything just got worse since you left Newport." Seth said before taking a drink of the soda Ryan had given him.

"You wan't me to drop by the house, help you get her into rehab again?" Ryan said with a look of worry.

"Actually, we want you to come back for good. We Mom, and I always considered you part of the family, but we never realized how much you helped us, and meant to us."

"Seth...I can't go back now. I'll just end up unhappy again like I was before I came back." Ryan said while rubbing his stubble-ridden cheeks.

"Ryan, come on. I can tell just by looking at you that that's a load of bull. You aren't happy here, and you won't be happy until you're with Marissa again. We both know that's true."

"I'm not gonna say everything is perfect, because it's not, but being here gives me something to take my mind off of her. At your house, you guys paid for everything, and handed me everything on a silver platter, and god knows I appreciate it. But here, I have to work for my keep. I have a job, a life, a reason to get up in the morning." Ryan said with a lot of passion. He meant every word, but he was losing his conviction.

"You can get a job in Newport, you can help build the P.F Changs, I don't care, but we all want...we need you to come home." Seth said with real need for his friend and brother to come back.

"Seth...You guys let me in to you house but I've been denying something for so long. This is my home, it always has been, and I'm just starting to realize that."

"So you're not coming back?...You're just gonna let my Mom drink herself sick, or worse, you're gonna leave us like this?" Seth said with a lot of hurt in his eyes.

"I said I'll help Kirsten get help but I cannot go back to Newport right now, I need to let her go, get her out of my mind...Maybe one day I'll be able to get over her but...but until then...My home is Chino...I'll pay for your Mother's rehab with the money I get from overtime, and I'll even drop in alot, but I just...I just can't go back right now...I'm sorry." Ryan said in a heavy tone of sadness.

"Don't worry about it man, I'll take care of it, you just get over your girlfriend, and let the only family you've really ever had get worse, whatever your priorities are. Later bro."

"Seth, come on man, don't be like this. Seth wait!...Damn it!" Ryan left a giant hole in the wall as he punched it when Seth slammed the door in his face. He gave Trey, and his Mom a look of anger. He went into his room, and slammed the door on everything. He worked so hard for a fresh start, but the starting over would be harder than he ever imagined.

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Well, that's the 9th chapter. I hope it's not too long, but I wanted to make up for all the time between chapters. I hope you enjoy the chapter. Oh yeah REVIEW!...Thanks! 


	10. Right back were we started from

Hey everyone, and welcome back! I hope everyone who has read this has enjoyed it, and I hope any new readers will enjoy it as well. I'm not sure how many more chapters I'll write in this story, but I expect at least a couple more, not sure yet. I will now go through the usual motion of asking for your reviews. If you can please spare the time to write your oppinion down, I'd really appreciate it. Anonymous reviews are welcome, so please, please, please write a review. Thanks alot, and enjoy the chapter!

P.S. This chapter will feature some moments of violence, it won't be too bad, but I figured I'd leave a warning.

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Chapter ten: Right back where we started from

Marissa had escaped to the one place she knew no one would ever think to look for her, Portland. Luckily for her, Luke, and Carson still resided there, and she was allowed to stay as long as she wanted. Things between Luke and her were akward for a while, but soon they were close friends. They were even caught in a kiss from time to time. She kept telling herself it was okay to move on, and she was the victim in the situation. That lie soon wore out, and she resorted to drinking again. Not too much, but just enough to make her happy...to make her calm...to make her forget.

One night she had forgot to put the small vodka bottle back in her purse, and Carson found it, and decided to confront Marissa about it. He walked into the room she was staying in, and held the bottle up so she can could see what he had found. " So...I'm guessing when you say everything is alright, that's a lie right?" Carson said while putting the small bottle in the trash can near the door of the room.

"No...it's just...it helps me get through some rough patches. It's nothing serious Mr. Ward, I promise." Marissa said while running her fingers through her hair nervously.

"Well at first, it never is. It always starts out as an all purpose pain reliever, and that is bad enough. But you of all people should know that it's easy to go overboard with something like this...I just don't want to see a good person get lost in alcohol." Carson said while sitting on the bed next to Marissa.

"You mean get lost in it again?" She said with a dry, and saddened wit. "I promise Mr. Ward, I won't go overboard."

"Good. Now get some sleep, it's late...Goodnight Marissa." Mr. Ward said before closing the door behind him as he left. She turned off the light, and layed on her bed. She had fallen so far from where she was just a few weeks ago. The worst part was the reason she had become a shell of herself was the same reason she was like this a decade ago, a man named Ryan Atwood had come into her life.

-meanwhile in Newport-

Seth and Summer were torn apart yet again. The mounting tension, and problems between Seth, and Kirsten had made it hard for Seth, and Summer to function normally. Summer would take care of Sarah more than she took care of herself, and didn't really take the time to do anything other than be depressed. Kirsten knew she was the problem and felt horrible, but Seth kept saying it was something that Seth, and Summer had created, and needed to work out themselves...but after 28 years of being a mother, she knew who's problems were who's.

"Maybe it would be good for you to go back to rehab Mom...You're drinking heavily again, you're depressed all the time. You should do it to feel good all around, not just to kick the alcohol." Seth coaxed while getting his Mother a water bottle from the fridge which she declined.

"Seth, no matter how clean I may seem, a drinker is a drinker for life. It just takes that one little trigger to bring the beast back." Kirsten replied while rubbing her aching head.

"Even so, it's apparent the beast is back, and in great shape, you have to get better, or everything is gonna get that much worse."

"How can things get worse Seth? One of my sons is back in Chino doing god knows what to get by."

"A point you keep bringing up!"

"And my other son's marriage is falling apart. So please Seth, tell me how things could get any worse?" Kirsten said in a loud, angered tone.

"That's what I'm saying. If you decide to get help, you'll be able to get away from all this for a while, and focus on getting better" Seth said trying to comfort her.

"Funny, last time my family wanted me to go to rehab, you were the one fighting to make me stay, now, you're the first one in line to kick me out" Kirsten said in a hurt tone.

"Mom, the only reason I wan't you to go is so you can get help. I don't like seeing you like this."

"Well, whatever you need to tell yourself Seth...I'm gonna go take a nap." Kirsten said before going into her room, and slamming the door shut.

Summer walked downstairs with dark circles under her eyes. She had obviously been crying, and had not had a good night's sleep in a long time. "Hey Summer, can we talk?" Seth said after recuperating from his ill-fated talk with his Mother.

"Maybe later Seth, I have to make Sarah's lunch." Summer said in an exhausted tone.

"That can wait, I think we need to talk about everything going on right now." Seth said while rubbing her cheek. She didn't respond to the touch, and she just continued to walk around the kitchen.

"I don't know Seth, I don't wanna talk about it." She said while making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

"Well we're gonna have to talk about it sometime. We've been dodging this conversation for so long, I think the longer we wait, the harder it will be to make things right." Seth said while combing through his curly dark hair with his fingers in frustration.

"I don't know where to start Seth! First it was the baby, then it was the Ryan thing, which I know is affecting you, and now everything with Kirsten...Everything is just stacking up against us right now." Summer said while taking the sandwhich upstairs to Sarah then coming back down.

"That's what I'm saying. It's like we aren't even together anymore. Everything has been going wrong, and we've lost each other in the comotion, now we have to find our way back."

"I don't know...maybe we just need to take a break."

"A break Summer? We aren't in high school anymore, we are in a marriage with a child. We are adults, we can't just take a break. Why would we want to anyways?" Seth said in a sad, and angry tone.

"We can just wait until things get back to normal...at least until everything cools off. I think trying to rebuild in the middle of the storm is a wasted effort." Summer said after sitting down and holding her head up with her palm."

"So...y...you want to take a break? What exactly does that mean for us?" Seth said confused.

"I don't know Seth."

"Well, this is just fabulous...My Mother is a drunk, and refusing to get help, my best friend is in Chino with a family that abandoned him, and my wife is asking for a break...Could things be any better for Seth Cohen, I submit that they can't!" Seth yelled as he left the kitchen, and slammed the front door on his way out of the house.

- Meanwhile in Chino-

Ryan had been in a bad mood ever since Seth and him had an argument a few weeks ago. Trey, and Dawn tried to stay out of his way when he left, and came back from his long shifts as an architect. In a month and a half he had gone from owning his own construction company to getting work where ever he was needed. The drawback of leaving your home state during the busiest time of year. He often wore just a v-neck shirt, and old dusty jeans. He was always covered in dirt, and dust, and the buzzcut he had liked so much a month ago had been replaced by long dirty blond bangs. He looked like he did in the old days. Something he hated.

"Hey Ry, can you be a doll and go down to the 7/11 and get me a carton of smokes?" Dawn said while sitting on the couch.

"Yeah sure, where's your purse?" Ryan asked. He wasn't in the mood to do her chores, but he had nothing better to do.

"Oh come on honey, can't you pay for um' yourself?" Dawn asked.

"Yeah, I could, but I don't smoke them, and they're kinda expensive."

"Ryan, I let you back into this house, you can buy your mother some cigarrettes...Go!" She yelled impatiently. Ryan angrily grabbed his wallet and marched out the door.

He was sick of being in Chino. It turned out that Dawn hadn't changed, and remained the drunk Ryan knew, and hated. She kept using the fact that she allowed him back home as a shield. He grew tired of it, and just let her win. He made his way back from the store with the carton of smokes, and was halfway across the street when he heard a voice he had long forgotten.

"Well look who it is! It's Mr. Newport beach, what the hell are you doin' here Atwood? You got alot of nerve showin' your face here." The voice from behind Ryan called. He closed his eyes in anger in frustration. He knew what was about the happen couldn't be good.

"Listen, Eddie, I'm not in the mood for this right now. It's been a long week, and I'm just buying my Mother some smokes." Ryan said while turning to see the black haired, scruffy looking man who had been both his friend, and his enemy.

"You didn't answer my question...What the hell are you doing back in Chino? I thought you'd have known better." Eddie said while exhaling some smoke from the half smoked cigarrette in his hands. A few of Eddie's friends gathered up behind him. The sick feeling in Ryan's stomach intensified.

" I'm just staying with my Mom, and my brother for a while, I don't want any trouble man."

"You may not want any...but you got alot comin boy. First Theresa runs to you, then you have sex, then I find out she's pregnant. Then what do you know!...turns out this kid has blonde hair, and blue eyes...he reminded me of someone I called my friend a long time ago. Where were you this whole time? I had to step up and be a father to a kid I damn well knew wasn't mine!."

"Eddie, she never told me about the kid. She told me she lost the baby, and that was that. She never told me she went through with it. I promise man. If I would have known about the boy, I would have stayed...but she decided not to tell me." Ryan said while rolling up the sleeves of his long sleeve shirt. He could sense that this wouldn't end peacefully.

"Whatever man... I figure you have something coming to you, that you aren't gonna like." Eddie said while the gang of men behind Eddie took a few steps closer to Ryan.

"I don't wanna do this Eddie, I don't wanna have to hurt you."

"Keep talkin' big shot. You might not wanna do this...but me? I think it's gonna be a blast."

Ryan had a fierce look in his eyes as the four men in front of him moved closer. He tried to stay calm, but his heart sped up, and he couldn't breathe.

"I'm sorry old friend...but you've had this comin'." Eddie said as he swung at Ryan.

Eddie's fist hit Ryan's jaw with a crack. Ryan's head snapped back, and he fell to his knees. No one was moving in on him. This wasn't gonna be over fast, they were gonna make him pay. Ryan, after wiping away the small bit of blood that escaped his cut lip, ran into Eddie's stomach, and tackled him onto the hard, hot pavement. Eddie's friends finnally made themselves useful as they took Ryan off of Eddie, and one of them hit him in the stomach, then again in the face.

Ryan's face hit the ground again, and he felt his jaw had moved an inch or two. He pushed himself off of the ground and stood still when it finally hit him. They were trying to set him up. After he stood up, no one attacked him, they just waited for him to strike. Then, when they pressed charges, he would get it worse for starting each of the altercations.

"You know what... I'm done with this." Ryan said as he used his backhand to wipe away the blood from his chin, and he picked up the carton of cigs from the sidewalk. Before he got too far, one of Eddie's friends couldn't take it, and punched Ryan in the back of the head.

The only relieve was the fact that Ryan's face hit the grass, and not the sidewalk. He had finally had enough. Ryan jumped up, and slammed the guy in the face, knocking him on his ass. The next guy hit him in the face, but Ryan was able to muster up enough energy to hit the guy in the stomach, and then knee him in the face. The other one of Eddie's buddies finally put Ryan down again with a solid hit to his eyebrow. The fighting spirit inside Ryan couldn't stay down anymore, and tackled the guy, and punched him twich in the face.

A few seconds later the police showed up, just in time to see Ryan slug Eddie one time in the face. That was it. That was all the cops needed to pull out their guns. "Sir, get down on the ground with your hands behind your head now!"

Ryan's face was full of discust as he fell to his knees, and locked his hands behind his head. Eddie was helped up, and had an ear to ear smile on his face. Eddie, and his friends walked off scott-free as Ryan was taken in the car.

The sirens were enough to get Dawn's attention as she finally came outside of her house to see her baby boy being carried away in the cruiser. As she looked around, and saw blood on her sidewalk, and porch steps, she found what she was looking for. She grabbed the carton of cigarettes Ryan got her, and walked back in the house. She felt bad, but what else could she do, but smoke.

-later, in Newport-

Kirsten had woken up a few minutes earlier, and found no signs of life in the house. She crept to the freezer, and poured herself a glass vodka. The liqour burned her lungs, but she had grown to love the feeling. The ringing of the phone made her jump. She picked it up, and was suprised at what she heard.

"Hello, this is Johnathan Sanderson Newport police, is this Kirsten Cohen?"

"Um, yes. May I ask why you are calling?" She said while slurring her words horribly.

"Yes Ma'm. You are listed as the next-of kin on Ryan Atwood's file, are you his mother?"

"Well, yes, and no. I'm his adoptive mother."

"Okay, well, Mr. Atwood was brought into custody on charges of assualt on a group of men in Chino. Does he have a lawyer?"

Kirsten's eye's immediately filled with tears and worry. "Oh god..No, he doesn't have an attorney."

"Well, we will get him one. He is allowed one family member to visit, and he requested that you come see him. Can you come down to the station?"

"Yeah, give me thirty-minutes." She said as she hung up the phone. She took a minute to let it sink in. Her son was in prison again, and this time, Sandy wasn't there to get him out. She put on a coat, and ran out the door. In a matter of hours, that entire day had gone from horrible, to tragic, and now, there might not be a way to make things right.

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Well, that's the tenth chapter. I hope you liked it, and once again, please review. I'll try to get another chapter out by next week, but I can't make any promises. Thanks alot. 


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